Monday, January 31, 2011

Fight For Your Marriage?


Marriage is HARD!

Does this picture remind you of what you experience in your marriage?

I received a text from a friend (who I LOVE more than she knows) on Friday. Here is an excerpt: 

"I hate to share over text, but I am asking for prayer for my family. My husband and I filed for divorce yesterday. I need no coddling, as most of this rests upon my shoulders."

Enter.... TEARS.

I desperately prayed for this precious family and could not stop crying. I shared the text with Justin and we were both heart broken.

Heartbroken for our friends, for their kids and for the continued hurt everyone will endure through the divorce process and after the divorce is final.

I come from a divorced home. I've experienced the consequences and hurt that lay ahead for their precious children. 

This has been a long time coming and no surprise to anyone who knows them. We (her friends) have pleaded with her in the past not to do this, so this time I am persisting in prayer.

Thanks (not really) to social media (Facebook and Twitter), I also suspect that a couple I grew up with is separated after 30+ years of marriage.

This is a WAKE UP call for me. Justin is a GREAT husband and we have a good marriage. Through this, I am reminded that we (meaning everyone) are only a few decisions, reactions, etc. away from divorce.

I told Justin that I want to fight for our marriage. His response, "What exactly does that mean?" (I am the worst at using cliches and he is awesome at calling me out. I love him for that.) 

I didn't know how to answer him, but now I do.

It means I want to fight my selfishness, impatient attitude and tendency to withhold forgiveness. (There are a million other things I could add to this list!)

I want to somehow find joy (or the humor) and be thankful that I have the opportunity pick up his underwear and dirty clothes he leaves on the floor next to the hamper. (Oh the "joys" of marriage, queue my LAUGHTER :) 

I want to love him deeper than I did in this picture. 



I want to FIGHT against the "little foxes that ruin the vineyards", as Solomon puts it in Song of Solomon 2:15.

What do you think "Fight for Your Marriage" means?

Do you fight for your marriage?

What are some things you do "fight" against the little foxes?

Please leave a comment, I'd love to hear!





6 comments:

Edem said...

Fighting for my marriage means remembering daily the word that is inscribed on the inside of my wedding band: SACRIFICE.

Sacrifice my desire to point out every little thing that may irk me, Sacrifice my longing for special treatment from anyone other than my wife. Sacrifice my time so that my wife can enjoy some girltime. Sacrifice my love of sports so that she can watch the Housewives of each of the 50 states of America (i kid).

Fighting for my marriage means that I no longer have the luxury of putting my own needs first but instead I choose daily to put my wife and kids first and trust in our love enough to know that she does the same, especially when I dont feel like it :)

Nicole said...

Edem,

Love that word sacrifice! That sums it up! Thanks for sharing!

Lynnell said...

your comment about your wedding pic reminded me of these lyrics from Sara Groves:
better than our promises
is the day we got to keep them
I wish those two could see us now
they never would believe how
there are different kinds of happy


we just have no idea when we say our vows how challenging AND rewarding that keeping them will be. you can tell when you listen to her lyrics that they've been through a lot of rough stuff in their marriage, and it's encouraging to hear her sing about fighting and making up, and about grace and forgiveness.

Jeri Ann said...

I've heard someone say that "marriage is wonderful work". YOu have to work at making it run in the right direction.

lea said...

i fight all the time with this quote by john piper...

"marriages fail because of how right it feels to justify sinful responses to sin". it will come as NO surprise to you that my husband sins... i mean HAVE YOU MET HIM?!?!??! but i can choose to respond sinfully to his sin (which feels oh so right) or i can respond in a manner worthy of the gospel of forgiveness and grace.

and then of course there are those VERY RARE occasions where i might sin (a tiny whiny whittle bit) and adam can choose his response. and most of the time, he is forgiving and grace full.

that quote runs through my head a lot. also in dealing with two teenagers. because all relationships fail when we do what feels "right" to us in the heat of the moment... there is a way that seems right to man. i read that somewhere...

we have been fighting the good fight for 21 years now. never easy... but worth it.

Nicole said...

Lea -

I love that quote! So true!